Goodbye Archer!
by crazy2696
Summary: SOmething I was challenged to write by theretard5892, in an hour! I chose my least favorite character and tortured him to death! ENOJY! HAH AHA HA!


**Okay, this is for theretard5892. They challenged me to write a gruesome death for a character of my choice, using Dynamite, a 500-piece puzzle, a snow blower, and a live turkey. Here it is. Warning is very gruesome. This is why I had fun writing it XD.**

Colonel Frank Archer had no idea that today would his last day. He was just walking around being the creepy bastard that he always was when all of a sudden a loud boom was heard and then insane laughter. "Hmm, crazier laughter than mine? Better go check it out." He then used his special Archer Powers and turned into half of the terminator and walked over to the source of the noise.

"GOTCHA!!" someone said, and everything went black.

Archer opened up his eyes, well his one real eye and other cyborgy eye. "What the hell? Where am I?"

"You my friend are in the deep heart of…DISNEYWORLD!!" the same voice from before said.

"Disneyland? What? Then why am I tied up and why are there torture items lying around everywhere and…OMG!! I LOVE THAT!! Gimme!" He gushed, looking at some insanely elaborate mess of wires and knives and other goodies.

"Shut Up! God you're so annoying! Now, many people don't realize it but Disneyworld is actually just a cover up. Disneyworld itself is an acronym for Dark Insane Stuff Nobody Ever You-ses With Other Retards Like Dumbo." It explained.

"Are you serious? Really, who came up with a shitty title like that?" he asked looking at her. Wait a minute. Archer wouldn't just sit there… "You know what? This is getting boring, see ya!" He said, opening his mouth and his mouth canon thingy came out but it wouldn't work. "Huh? Come on, work dammit!" He growled.

"It won't work, you are utterly defenseless. And now, this is when my fun starts. Don't take any offense…actually take a lot of offense. You are a worthless, crappy, bastard who has nothing better to do then go around be a huge man-bitch to everyone. Learn some manners will you!" The voice said. Then the person actually came out of the shadows where she was hiding.

"CRAP! You're that fan girl that Mustang has a restraining order against aren't you?" Archer realized. He swallowed in fear, this lady was crazy.

"Nice of you to have heard of me. Now Mr. Archer. Let's play a game. How fast can you run?" She said. And then she lunged forward, and Archer, somehow going from tied up to not tied up, ran away as fast his as little robot and real legs would carry him. Thankfully he wasn't fast enough and she tackled him. Raising her hands above her head, she pulled out a…

"Snow blower? What the heck? Is that the best you can-?" his taunt was cut short when she started bashing him on the head using said snow blower. His head was repeatedly smashed into the concrete floor blow him, blood was flowing out from the real part of his face. "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" the crazy fan girl shrieked as she brought the snow blower down again and again. His face, real or not, was not recognizable, but unfortunately she had to stop, in order to follow through her plans.

"Congratulations Mr. Archer. You survived part 1." She panted. He just lay there moaning and groaning at the pain. He felt like his head had been split apart, and everything was falling out, which he was right! He managed to open his eyes and then spit out a mouthful of blood. "You…are…m-messed…up." He whispered.

"I know that! Now didn't I tell you to shut up a little while ago? Now get up!" she ordered. He struggled to even move, but somehow got up. "Okay eat this. I SAID EAT IT!" she screamed. Damn, this guy was annoying, he wouldn't eat the thing that would keep him from dying right away.

"What the hell?" he asked. Eating it, he nearly threw it up.

"Ha ha, didn't like it? It was my own cooking. I made it just for you. Don't you know it's not nice to insult the chef? I'm going to have to punish you. Oh Franky…meet GREGORY!" she shouted, and he turned around to meet an angry turkey.

"GOBBLE!!" It screeched and charged at him, knocking him down onto his face. He saw a flash of feathers and then it was pecking him.

"Help! MY EYES!!AGGGHHHH!!" He screamed, like a little girl. His eyes were bleeding as he clawed blindly at the crazy turkey. "THE PAIN!!!". He was covered in blood, his face mutilated. For some reason the author, who got caught up in the torture, forgot about his auto-mail, so let's just pretend it…OOH!!

"I just suddenly got an idea, in my head. Gregory! Stop." She ordered. The turkey stopped, leaving the bloody, crying, and disgusting Archer lying on the ground. She walked over to him and said, "Part 2 is over. And now this is going to be part 3.1". She grabbed his auto-mail arm and tore at it as hard as she could. He yelled in pain, or maybe his eyes still hurt, or his smashed up head, who cares. When she managed to pull it off, she started working on his leg.

"NO!! No-AGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed, as she ripped off his leg. Ignoring the fact that a teenage girl wouldn't be able to do that.

"Okay, now that's done, I'm going to go nice on you. Just do this puzzle or I will cut you open and serve you to Gregory. He's hungry." She instructed.

Archer didn't respond.

"HEY! Did you hear me!"

Still no responding.

"Jeez! Here, wake up! Wakey wakey!" after each word she slapped him. He finally opened his eyes and spit at her.

"Hey! Be nice. Now you heard me. Do this puzzle!" She flung a box at him and pieces spilled everywhere.

"Y-You're…not…serious?" He stuttered. He was having problems talking, as anyone who had their head smashed, eyes pecked, and arm and leg ripped off, would.

"I SAID DO THE FREAKING PUZZLE! I DON'T LIKE REPEATING MYSELF!!" she shouted, finally getting fed up and grabbed a handful of the pieces, and shoved them in his mouth.

"AACK!" he started coughing as she shoved more down his throat.

"I can keep going all day! It's a 500-piece puzzle!" she screamed. He started choking on the pieces, and clawed at her clothes.

"Eww! Don't touch me!" she said, moving away from him. She smiled as he lay gasping for air, she was almost ready for the finale. "Well, Mr. Archer. Have you had enough?" she asked.

"W-Why, *cough* are you *cough* doing this?" he coughed out.

"Oh, I thought I told you 24 paragraphs up there, and you know I don't like repeating myself, so too bad. You'll never know." She replied.

"Is it…my fault…that I…can't…remember something…when I…have been….traumatized?" he asked.

She shrugged and walked over to where he had seen the elaborate mess of wires and crap earlier, and started rummaging around.

"What…are you…doing?" he asked, trying to buy time to prevent the next beating, mauling, or choking.

"Ha ha ha haa! Found it. Perfect!" she cackled evilly. She turned around and held in her hand a small remote. She grabbed her bags and started walking towards the door, which Archer, who had been screaming, didn't see.

"Where…are you…going?"

"Goodbye Archer!" She waved cheerily. He sat up, after much difficulty, and stared dumbfounded at the door for a while. Meanwhile, she was running away as far as she could. When she got a safe distance away she pressed a combination of buttons, and waited.

BOOOM!!! The building, which dwelled far underneath D.I.S.N.E.Y.W.O.R.L.D, blew up, along with Archer. She had placed dynamite all around the room, for the final part.

Goodbye Archer. She thought, as she walked away. Man, she had a long day. She needed to relax.

**HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!! Review if you want! I had soooo much fun writing this. Thank you theretard5892, I wouldn't have had so much fun, if you hadn't suggested this!!**


End file.
